Questions?

last night was the first night together since we had made our D/s relationship all official like.  as soon as the children were in bed, i started thinking about the protocals we had discussed in our contract.  (the one we signed on sunday night.. yay us!)  i felt some confusion about changing roles.  i felt a little reticent about asking Sir if now we were in our date protocal, which requires a step up in my submission.  since our contract is very explicit, i hadn’t thought much about the transitions between one set of protocols to another. however, when the time came to actually put the words into actions, i felt a little baffled.  so, i asked how we were to go about and i grateful that i did.  Sir decided that for now we will have a verbal cue that will transition us from our “safe” protocol to our “date” protocol.  this is the time when i let my authentic subby self free. eventually, Sir would prefer that there be a collar of some sort, or a bracelet that he will place upon me to give a physical presence to Sir’s ownership of me and my complete submission to Him.  i’m sure as time goes on the transition will be more smooth.  at least that is what i aspire to.

i am learning more about more about what submission means to me.  i’ll share more when it comes to me.  i was reading Sir’s previous post regarding Jay Wiseman’s personal ad on Fetlife.  i was really touched by his honesty and it for me really defined how i feel about my realtionship with Sir.  His sense of “mutual commitment” resonated with me deeply.  i find that Sir and i could not embark on this journey if there was not a mutual commitment to each other and our lifestyle choice.  he also spoke of what he is looking for in a sub..this was the most eye opening:

“The relationship will be characterized by a great deal of submission, obedience, and service on your part and a reciprocal willingness to accept those from you in a good-faith way on my part.”

i think of living a life in submission and service, and obedience has been something that i’ve thought about but never did it make an impression upon me.  it wasn’t something that ever occured to me.  however, now that it’s become a part of my daily life, i feel more fulfilled than i ever have.  and Sir’s willingness to accept what i freely and lovingly choose to offer up, also fills my heart with joy.   i’m finally on the right path in life.

Here is a wonderful post from Jay Wiseman. It’s his personal ad.

I aspire to this level of self-knowledge and knowledge about BDSM, sex and relationships.

We signed our contract last night. Finally!

It’s been a long road up to this point and it’s great to be completed with that phase of the journey and on to the next phase. One of my favorite quotes is appropriate: “It’s not the end, it’s not even the beginning of the end, but it is the end of the beginning.”

It feels different today and not different at the same time. We’ve taken the step to put down in writing how we want to be treated and how we want to treat the other.

In a fit of creativity, we decided to toast our contract using the same glasses that we used to toast our wedding. It made for a special moment that we both commented on.

hnt?

in relation to Sir’s previous post, i’m posting this link as some inspiration.  we have been discussing if this is something that we are interested in doing.  rather, i have asked Sir if it is something that would please Him.  we had a chat about it, but we haven’t done much more.  perhaps it is something we can negotiate in the near future.  a sub can hope!

Photography

I need to write this somewhere, so I don’t forget about it. My sub and I have discussed incorporating photography into our lifestyle. I’m examining what that might look like for me. It’s definitely exciting for me and I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes.

Service?

Today I read this great thread at Fetlife.

This is a huge eye-opener for me. What is the nature of service in our D/s relationship? I resonated a lot with Jay’s initial post that said a call to service is a requirement for a submissive for him. This is very true for me with my sub. The call to submissive service that she feels is a very important part of our relationship.

My side of the relationship is driven by service as well, but in a different form. I guess you could call that form dominant service, serving in a dominant manner, or dominant-colored service. Maybe service-colored dominance? (Just thinking out loud here)

I commit to serving us by using her service. I commit to serving us by supporting her submission. I commit to serving us by participating in the wider D/s community. I think it’s important to notice that it’s not about serving her, it’s about serving us. That means serving her, serving me, and serving us together. You could also see it as serving the wider D/s community and the world at large.

For her service, what’s important to me? Similarly, it needs to be about serving herself, serving me, and serving us together. Her service is self-directed and directed by me.

That’s a crucial point. My service is not directed by her, whereas her service is directed by me.

So, maybe it’s not so much service that’s the rub, but direction. I direct her. She does not direct me.

Here is an even clearer way to say it: I directly manage her. She does not directly manage me.

For completeness sake, I would say that she does indirectly manage me and us. She anticipates my needs. She takes care of things in the way I direct her to and where does not have a clear direction, she can use her resourcefulness and initiative to put her stamp on it. I notice that and go along with her direction, however minor it may be. In this way, she indirectly manages me and us.

So long as the direction I give her is sufficient to activate that part of her that craves direction, we’re good. If my direction is insufficient, we have some work to do!

Contract

I had a very interesting time yesterday writing up a contract for our D/s relationship. My sub mentioned that we might revisit this topic for us since it’s been a while since we wrote our last formal document about our relationship and since then many, many things have changed.

So I spent some time yesterday during the day and the evening working on it. I showed it to her when I went home last night and she liked it. She liked it so much that she cried and said it was one of the best things she ever read.

I’m very glad she liked it and I feel very proud of having written it. I’ve been looking at it here and there today and adding more things to it. Hopefully we’ll be ready to sign it and move on sometime soon.

One of the things in the contract is that there are different protocols that we follow depending on what situations we are in. I had the idea after reading some other contracts that we could have a different collar for each situation. Each collar would symbolize the protocol that went with the situation. This made sense to both of us so we’ll see where it goes from here. We already have a collar that she wears all day every day and one that she wears when we are “in the lifestyle.”

I did some research on contracts and found some great examples here, here and here.

I also am thinking about how to address my sub. I could call her by her name, but I would like something that would support our lifestyle. I was thinking of a certain name that I know she likes and has some meaning for us. We’ll see.

Edges Dungeon Membership

My sub and I talked last night and decided to go ahead and buy a membership to one of our local dungeons, Edges. So, I emailed them today and I hope to hear back from them soon.

It’s exciting to think about playing in a dungeon on a regular basis. We have a great time playing at home, but we’ll have an even better time in a supportive, communal space like that.

here i sit

i’m reading “The New Bottoming Book” and it has my mind spinning.  although we’ve been slowly venturing into our roles, this book has given me a whole new level of understanding.  it continues to call to a deeper voice within me that has laid dormant for so long.  now having the safety of a loving Dom and finding the power within myself.  i had often toyed with the idea of being submissive in bed, in fact it was a huge turn on for me.  but it was not something that was negotiated and i never really was able to act on any need for fear that it would be a turn off to my Husband.  now, my Husband has become my Dom.  i am in turn his property.  the feeling of ownership is beyond my wildest dreams.  never would i have dreamt that service and submission would become a part of my every day make up.  nor would i have ever felt i deserved the true happiness i have found in my new role.  there are many roles that i pass through but the role of submissive is always within me.

so, here i sit.  so many things on my mind.  in the past i would have been plagued with anxiety or depression or felt as if i was not deserving of a life of joy and wonder and unconditional love.  but the things on my mind consist of becoming a better bottom.  how to better serve my Dom in the way that he deserves and how to harness the power within my subby self.

oh and one more thing.. i’m working on coming up with a title for myself.  Dom and i have decided to enter into a contract that will outline our D/s relationship.  He has asked to be addressed as “Sir”.. i’m not sure i will get a choice of how to be addressed, but i sure do look forward to finding out.

Folsom Street Fair

My submissive and I went to the Folsom Street Fair two weekends ago. It was a truly amazing time.

I collared her as soon as we entered the event around 11:30 AM and she remained collared until we left around 5:00 PM. That was the longest she has been collared that either of us could remember. We had wonderfully significant dom/sub time while we were there.

It was amazing to be with people who accepted us and we were able to be “out of the closet.” I felt like I could be more free with our lifestyle in public than I ever had before.

It was a wonderful experience, but far from perfect. There were many onlookers who just seemed to be there to take something away from it rather than contribute to the energy of the event. It was our first Folsom and we had no idea what to expect, so we took a whole lot of it in stride. I guess the theme of the day that I could discern was “out of the closet” for so many people, including me.

We went to Mr. S. Leather, which was like being a kid in a candy store! I had my sub try on many outfits for me that were simply luscious. We looked at many of the booths and fell in love with countless items. I remember a gun belt buckle, two corsets, floggers, canes, kilts, rubber wear, and leather wear. We ended up making two purchases from the Frugal Domme. One was a rattan cane and the other was a small flogger. We already used both when we returned for a short scene and they were wonderful!