absolutes

i’ve always lived my life in absolutes and people have always tried to change that in me.  life isn’t always black and white, life isn’t meant to be all one way or the other.  however, being a slave to my Master, i’m finding that it is absolutes.  even this website speaks about the absolute power a Master has over his slave.  it is one where the Master pushes the boundries of his slave, and forces his slave to see beyond what is in front of her.

i have often struggled with trust and faith in my relationship before my Master and i began this lifestyle.  i always questioned when it would be over, when he would leave me and i never had faith that i was good enough.  in this role as his slave, i now find that i’m good enough and even willing to go beyond good and a perfect slave and worship and understand my Master in everyway possible.  His voice when i am able to let go of the outside noise guides me and gives me the direction i crave.

My Master is the foundation of all that i do.  And i am the jewel he will polish and care for with pride.

Class

There is a class in the City (San Francisco) tonight that I so very much want to attend. It’s given by a woman named Laura Antoniou (website) and it’s called “The Way of It: Establishing and Maintaining Protocol Within Relationships.” From the description, it is an exploration of what a top can do to maintain an ongoing formal SM relationship concentrating on maintaining consistency.

This looks to be so up my alley! I’m not sure if logistics have any possible way of working out for it, but I still want to go!

Loving It

It was wonderful to hear slave’s new ritual statement before going to sleep last night and upon first awakening this morning. It shows slave’s commitment to our relationship and growing together.

a new morning ritual

upon speaking to my Master, with permission of course, i have decided to add a morning routine which will enhance exactly what i posted about earlier. it will be a mantra of sorts and will go like this..

today i make a decision to be your slave

to be an obedient, loving, dutiful and joyful slave

i belong completely to you, body mind and soul and i thank you for allowing me to serve you

Great BDSM Awakening Post

Wow. I am in awe of this post.

made a decision

read this on a website i highly recommend.

“However behavior training alone does not make a complete slave. She must see herself as a slave and be at peace in her slavery. In short, her behavior, emotions, self-image and thoughts are all part of training. A slave must be willing to open her inner thoughts and feelings to her Master. It is another key issue in her development. Openness is a learned skill.”

i was having a discussion with my Master over dinner about how i was feeling more like a maid rather than the slave i desire to be. then suddenly, i came across the website i mention above and it all became so clear. i need to make a decision every day to be a slave, and be a loving and obedient slave to my master. in fact, i plan to make that a ritual if my Master finds it acceptable.

wow, i can’t tell you what a discovery that was for me. it’s a choice. it’s not the work i do around the houes, the duties i take care of or the choices i make when i am not physically with my Master. it’s a choice i get to make daily, hourly and in the moment. what a blessed choice! to be owned, cared for, unconditionally loved. i am so full of joy at this moment. thank you, Master.

Intimacy

I’m not sure that “correct” or “reprimand” are the best words for the occasion when I tell slave to do something differently. Perhaps the word “adjust” is better. It has fewer negative connotations. I could see more joy coming from an “adjustment” than from a “correction” or a “reprimand.”

Maybe that’s just a side note to the bigger reason for posting this.

The check-ins that we do in our relationship are vital. They must work for our relationship to work. The check-in time we have usually takes a while and we have to be pretty focused on each other. It’s not that we have specific issues that we have to bring to each other to talk about, but it’s just that we have to spend that time together talking deeply about whatever comes up. We always end up having a really great talk, going deeper into important topics, and getting more intimate.

And when it comes right down to it, getting more intimate is what this is all about.

today, tomorrow and the future

this morning didn’t go as well as it normally does.  my Master and i have a set of rituals and expectations in the morning that i am to perform.  this morning went as normal with only a minor reprimand.  but, considering i’m new to all of what use to be his normal routines, i’m sure it will take sometime.  i was grateful for the correction and am sure that tomorrow i will have it exactly as my Master pleases.

my Master and i also have a check in that we normally do daily.  we haven’t been true to our commitment for whatever reason.  things have come up, running out of time, sheer exhaustion, all of those things.  also, i am still trying to figure how all my medication affects me, so i’m tired most of the time.  so it’s hard to have a real discussion at the end of a long day.  however, i know it is vital to our marriage an our M/s relationship if we are to make it work.  this morning i made a suggestion which didn’t seem to go over well.  i’m not sure if it calls for punishment, because i felt that i was giving some thought and intiative.  but, it did not seem to please my Master and it made our goodbye very difficult for me.  i don’t know really what the next step is, i’m sure we will discuss it tonight after my friend leaves and it’s quite time for my Master and i.

i have been reading with great interest the rules and rituals my Master has so thoughtfully and lovingly written out.  i’ve noticed the words intiative and resourcefulness come up a few times.  i need to do some looking up about that and find out exactly what it means.  how does a slave take intiative?  is it going out of her way to please her master?  is it expanding upon rules that have already been laid out?

one thing i need to work on better is accepting corrections and being graceful and joyous when doing so.  in the past i’ve never been one to be corrected.  it’s a perfectionist streak that tends to cause mindbending effects, so this will be something that i’m sure will break me and perhaps i will need strict and swift punishment when i’m corrected and i don’t like it.  and i will expect it and be thankful to my Master.

this one rule “slave uses resourcefulness and initiative to act when not under rule or task and, when necessary, contrary to rule or task” is something i will need to discuss with my Master.  for some reason it confuses me.  i think simply because i’ve never felt resourceful or have been able to take intiative unless specific things have been laid out for me.  then i follow the rules to the letter.  in fact it’s one of the reasons i love serving and pleasing my Master.

well, today i will follow the rules and rituals i know. <BR>tomorrow i will do my best to take initiative in a loving and serving way that will best please my master <BR> in the future, we will write and orchestra more elaborate and loving rules and rituals which will enhance our M/s relationship.

i love my Master more than i have words to express.  earlier i was feeling lost and i couldn’t hear his voice above the drone in my head.  however, everday it’s getting clearer and clearer and i long for it to be the only guiding voice i need.

Service is Joy

I would like to address a post about one particular rule I find interesting:

slave accepts punishments, corrections and rewards with joy. They represent an opportunity to better serve.

This is crucial to our relationship. slave must always crave service and crave doing it better. Service must never be allowed to be in the company of other minor life experiences that “I did that terribly,” “I hope this is OK,” or “I wish I didn’t do it that way.” Service must always be done joyfully and outrageously. Service must never be done in fear. Punishments and corrections can easily inspire fear, but they must not. They must be approached with joy to better serve.

Rewards are a bit stickier. Rewards can be just as cruel as punishments or corrections in the hands of a bumbling Master. They can sometimes be cruel because there is an assumed pleasure in a reward and if that pleasure is not there, it is much crueler than any punishment or correction. For example, a bumbling Master would reward at the slightest pleasure or positive action of the slave. This behavior would inspire the slave to strive for the Master’s rewards instead of the pleasure that is inherent in the slave’s service. A proper Master recognizes that the slave derives pleasure from service and treats rewards as “icing on the cake.”

And don’t get me started on the lowest Masters, who promise a reward for a certain task and do not take their promise seriously. They are the lowest and the cruelest. Their actions show they do not deserve a slave.

Rituals

Rituals are agreed upon between Master and slave. Rituals spice up Master and slave’s relationship, and make everything joyful and light. When a ritual is broken, it is a minor violation.

Every time Master comes home from work, slave greets him at the door.

Every time slave gets something for herself, she asks if Master also wants her to get something for him.

When speaking to Master, slave is in the same room, facing him, and speaks clearly.

slave requests permission to sit anywhere except the floor.

slave requests to enter the bed.

slave asks Master every time if she is allowed to orgasm.

slave thanks Master for each punishment, correction, and reward.

slave journals every day detailing her ideas about being a slave and her fantasies.

Whenever Master requires it, slave kneels in front of Master. slave’s hands are bound behind slave’s back, keeping perfectly still, and does not speak. slave is allowed to nod her head once when she reaches the point of physical discomfort. slave remains in position until Master allows her to stand up.