Boundaries and Ethos

We’re getting further and further along down the rabbit hole with the dominant/submissive side of our relationship. I can speak for myself only and occasionally I can speak for us on topics that we have discussed. I don’t speak for us on topics that we have not discussed. This is critical for our relationship, whether infused with the dominant/submissive side or not.

In my case, I have a lot of previously conceived ideas about what the dominant/submissive ethos means. They come from my conditioning and self-hate uses them to cause some problems. The conditioning from the time when I was a child is particularly interesting. At this moment in time, my concentration is on equality. My conditioning says that the dominant is a better person than the submissive and therefore they are unequal just by definition. When I check in with my authentic self, I see that is not the case. The conditioning and self-hate still stick around and needle their way into my consciousness and I move away from my authentic self from time to time. And that’s OK. When I realize this is happening, I let go and move back to my authentic self.

When I am my authentic self, I see very clearly that the dominant/submissive ethos for me is in addition to our relationship based on healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries and the dominant/submissive ethos can coexist. What occurs to me is the conditioned parts combine with the self-hate and the story is the dominant/submissive ethos is defined by how the boundaries are structured.

As I write this, I’m getting sprinkled with “stupid dust.” That unconnected stuff that clouds things over just before clarity visits.

What’s coming to mind, real time, is that its true the dominant/submissive ethos is defined by healthy boundaries. Without the healthy boundaries, it’s not even really an ethos, it’s just another setup designed to create pain and suffering. An ethos, on the other hand, requires healthy boundaries to exist. So, when conditioning and self-hate take a hold of the dominant/submissive idea, it ceases to be an ethos and is twisted into another tool for suffering and, in one way of thinking, destroying any healthy boundaries.

a new commitment

as the illusions of our past fall away, we are finding new ways to be authentically with each.  the roles in which we have cemented ourselves have become just that roles.  not who we intrinsically are.  we begin to embrace all that we truly are.  my dear Dom spoke of equality this morning.  it’s something we are both aspiring to.  and the magic happens each day.  we are both learning that even in our D/s lifestyle, we are equals.  it is in the manner in which we chose to show and celebrate our love, not in the manner in which we treat each other.  just because i choose to be obedient and submissive to my Dom doesn’t mean that i no longer have a voice.  my voice is as strong as His, and i am as strong as he is.  the pedastal now contains pictures, not each other.

our new commitment…

recently i had read an article about two couples who commited to be sexually intimate for a full year.  it inspired me to share it with my dear Dom.  we both agreed to negotiate what that might look like and what we are willing to commit ourselves to.  i’m excited for that conversation.  in the past we have spoked about our turn ons and turn offs, and i think we will find new and thrilling ways to please each other, and more specifically to submit completely to my dear Dom as it pleases him.  i will report back and possibly even share some spicy details.

which leads me to my final thought..  it is OK with my dear Dom, i would like to start some erotica writing in a seperate blog. i shall ask his permission and add the link here for those that are interested.  stay tuned!

a little different

we are trying new things around our home.  new ways to live our our D/s ways.  Dear Dom purchased an everyday collar that I wear 24/7.  a constant reminder of the choice i made.  we had quite a lovely little ceremony with words that were spoken just for us.  we also have introduced a reconnection ritual for when my Dom and i come together at the end of the work day.

the path we chose is becoming clearer every day and we are finding new ways to express our love for one another and our choice to live in this manner.  i’m excited for what each day brings for me.. for what my Dom may have in store.  i’m always working on showing my submission and obedience to Him.  i am furthering my knowledge and understanding of my role.  i’m reading and plan on going to a sub group at the end of the month.  My Dom has chosen to go to a group for those in the D/s lifestyle, and i’m anxious to see what he brings back.

more on the horizon!

I told my submissive that tonight is a night where she needs to be ready for anything. And anything can be nothing.

It is our traditional night for a scene, but I am working hard lately on being more dominant. That means it’s up to me and no one else. Her job is to be prepared.