Service?

Today I read this great thread at Fetlife.

This is a huge eye-opener for me. What is the nature of service in our D/s relationship? I resonated a lot with Jay’s initial post that said a call to service is a requirement for a submissive for him. This is very true for me with my sub. The call to submissive service that she feels is a very important part of our relationship.

My side of the relationship is driven by service as well, but in a different form. I guess you could call that form dominant service, serving in a dominant manner, or dominant-colored service. Maybe service-colored dominance? (Just thinking out loud here)

I commit to serving us by using her service. I commit to serving us by supporting her submission. I commit to serving us by participating in the wider D/s community. I think it’s important to notice that it’s not about serving her, it’s about serving us. That means serving her, serving me, and serving us together. You could also see it as serving the wider D/s community and the world at large.

For her service, what’s important to me? Similarly, it needs to be about serving herself, serving me, and serving us together. Her service is self-directed and directed by me.

That’s a crucial point. My service is not directed by her, whereas her service is directed by me.

So, maybe it’s not so much service that’s the rub, but direction. I direct her. She does not direct me.

Here is an even clearer way to say it: I directly manage her. She does not directly manage me.

For completeness sake, I would say that she does indirectly manage me and us. She anticipates my needs. She takes care of things in the way I direct her to and where does not have a clear direction, she can use her resourcefulness and initiative to put her stamp on it. I notice that and go along with her direction, however minor it may be. In this way, she indirectly manages me and us.

So long as the direction I give her is sufficient to activate that part of her that craves direction, we’re good. If my direction is insufficient, we have some work to do!